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About Photography / Artist Jamila RoseFemale/Jamaica Recent Activity
Deviant for 10 Years
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Leave Love by x-desertrose-x Leave Love :iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 11 3
The Psychologist
She Says
"So this will be our fifth session, correct?
Let me get out my notebook..
Okay... Let's talk."
So i open up and talk. She writes..
Patient was raped as a child.
It seems so final when its printed
The night I lost my smile
Simplified into black ink.
Maybe it's easier for you though.
Because your job is not to feel how I feel
Just to organize and solve my problems.
Patient is a cutter.
All that hurt shoved into one simple sentence
Are my scars really that simple though?
Handwriting gracefully spread on the page
Contrasts these jagged scars.
Theres so much more to it all
Blood can't be simplified. Or summarized.
Patient is becoming unresponsive.
I'm so done coming here
Your methods aren't working.
Im tired of reading happy cards.
The way you write my pain in bullet points
Makes me hate you. hate this. hate me.
I wish you'd put the pen down and just listen.
Put the fucking pen down.
And just listen.
:iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 5 3
Flirts With Suicide
Alone in my room I lie on the
Floor... Close my eyes
And pretend that I'm dead.
When tears start to come
I hold my fingers like a gun
And point them at my head.
They say I flirt with suicide
I stand by the lake
With weigths tied to my feet
And will myself to jump in.
I stand on the edge of the cliff
Taking baby steps closer
And pray gravity wins.
They say I flirt with suicide
I take pills to cure the ache
And tell myself all I have to do
Is swallow a little more.
I carve into my skin and smile
As I imagine cutting deeper
And the blood spilling to the floor.
They say I flirt with suicide
I lie on the road in the
Blackness of the night
Praying a car goes flying by.
I pull my necklace tight
And pretend it's a noose
While imagining my final sigh.
Just a little bit deeper
Just one more swallow
One more step closer...
And this pain will go away.
So when they say I flirt with suicide
I say no,
I flirt with freedom.
:iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 2 11
Murder Scene
You can wipe away the bloodstains
But you can't erase the crime
It's forever embedded into my mind
How you sliced through my soul
And tore my heart in two
Even though all I was trying to do
Was love you.
I don't understand why I'm alone now
And now you wish you can change your descision
But I've scarred my wrists with incision
You can't change what you did
Because I'm already dead
And this angel white carpet is now soaked in deep red.
You can wipe away the bloodstains
But you can't erase the crime
It will be forever embedded into your mind.
:iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 2 2
Colours of my Life
when i was  born
i opened my big Brown eyes
and as i smiled for the first time
the room shone bright Yellow like the sun
people stopped and said
"she'll be a beauty, that one!"
when i was four
i'd run through lush Green fields
and pick pretty Purple flowers
to match the ribbons in my hair
i'd paint my skies Pink
Because i thought you'd always care.
when i was seven
my innocence was taken from me
and i turned cold and Blue with confusion
as the world around me slowly became Grey
i knew no one would understand
so i began to hide myself away.
when i was sixteen
i used up all the colours
Pink. Purple. Yellow. Green. Blue
spent my time on cigarettes, sex, and drinks
the more so called fun i had
the further i began to sink
today i fade into the background
i've painted myself Black.
and i hate you for hurting me so
White lights... i must be close to dead
blood flows from my worthless wrists
and my world fades to Red.
:iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 0 2
She lifts of the ground
Fluttering peacfully up so high
Bold yellow and black wings
Contrast the pale blue sky
Cold, calloused hands
Bring her crashing back to the ground
As she falls the world stops
And there is no sounds
The hands come again
She looks into the coldest eyes shes ever seen
And realizes that her freedom
is now nothing but a dream
A pin is plunged through her frail heart
And she's hung on the wall
The people stop.   Stare at her wings
She makes all their hearts sing
She takes her last breath
Little Girl to her Mommy pointed and said
"I wish I was like the butterfly"
Not realizing that it's dead
:iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 1 1
When You See Me
I wanted to be beautiful in your eyes
When you saw me I wanted you to smile
Smile when you see me...
So I counted calories til I looked good
And I caught you staring at me
You smiled when you saw me...
So I kept on counting
I wanted to look even better for you
You ignored me when you saw me
So I started to slice my skin
Hoping you'll see all the love within
You looked sad when you saw me...
So I kept on cutting and
I kept on counting... And
You looked disgusted when you saw me
So I tried to stop what I had done
But it escalated.. The cutting and the counting
Now you don't even see me...
You don't even see me...
:iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 0 2
Lies of 'Life'
"I can't get my head around reality"  she says
"We're just living to die"
That's why at night she cries
But really that's all a selfish lie
That she tells herself
So she won't have to change her Life
Unable to see past her pain
She doesn't want to submit to God's name
Cutting her skin because Life is so "bad"
Though this Life is the only Heaven she'll ever have
Since she calls His creation a "conspiracy"
All she'd have to do is believe..
But she's content to sit in her own blood and grieve
If you look into her eyes they're filled with empty selfish lies
Of her Life... But she likes it that way.. Never being satisfied
Going through Life drinking, having sex, and getting high
It's no wonder that she is scared to Love
When she can't accept the True Love that comes from above
He stands there with open arms
But she clings to her sad Life and all the world's shallow charms
Using her pain and scars as an excuse.. She pretends to be confused
"I can't get my head around reality" 
:iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 0 2
Like A Cigarette
Just like a Cigarette
You make it hard to breathe...
But I can't say no to you..
It's always you i need
You make all this go away
I have to have you everyday
Just like a Cigarette
You make it hard to breathe...
I know that you'll be the Death of me
But for now you give so much security
I love how you tase on my lips
With that addictive nicotine kiss
Just like a Cigarette
You make it hard to breathe...
But I will never let you go
Though my heart bleeds I know
You will always be there
And even if I die I won't care...
You're just like a Cigarette
You make it hard to breathe...
And I Love it...
:iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 0 1
The Hardest Part
I picked up my pen to write my emotions
But no words would come
That was the hardest part
I picked up my camera, looked through the lens
But there was no beauty in anything
That was the hardest part
I turned up the volume so I could dance
But there was no rythym
That was the hardest part
I opened my mouth to sing
But there was no melody
That was the hardest part
I went outside for a run
But I couldn't move fast enough
That was the hardest part
I called my friends for company
But they didn't understand
That was the hardest part
I tried to dress up... Put on a smile
But inside I was still ugly
That was the hardest part
I went out and hit the clubs on Friday
But felt more alone in the crowded room
That was the hardest part
I tried to drink all this away
But woke up with a bigger headache
That was the hardest part
I grabbed my razorblade and started to slice
But I couldn't bleed out enough
That was the hardest part
When you said you didn't want me anymore
It really broke my heart
And that
:iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 2 5
After Sex
My Body goes numb as you kiss me
I close my eyes tight, I don't want to See
Each time my emptiness grows stronger
I hope I don't endure this much longer
I feels used... My heart is gone black and blue
Breaking from all your romantic abuse
Alone at last I try to wash you off me
Over and over.... Still I'm not free
I'm so sick... Infected with your kiss
I'm not sopposed to feel like this
You're gone, but your touch liners on my skin
It's as if you are trapped within
I can't erase the memories, they wont go away
God doesn't listen when I go to pray
So I cut until I see my blood flow
Representing love I can't seem to show
All I ever wanted was to feel
Something that was real...
But I'm beyond feeling
:iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 1 2
Counting Calories
Her eyes are hollow
Filled with unidentified selfish sorrow
Her skin pulls tight as she smiles
Pretending to be free for a while
She stands in front of the mirror
And is repulsed by the sight
And wonders why she isn't perfect
Though she tries with all her might
So she counts calories
It's the only thing she does right
She's blind to all the people
That want to be her friend
Convinced they'll hate her in the end
Compared to them she's weak
And God, who she's tried to seek
Is nowhere to be found
She's lost as her heart shatters to the ground
So she counts calories
Cos' there she can't go wrong
Somehow it makes her feel strong
I stand at a distance
Not knowing what to do
She says she wants to be alone
But i see in her eyes that's not true
I want to hold her hand
Be there for her.... Understand
But she ignores me
Instead beleiving in lies
Content on counting calories
Until she dies
:iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 1 3
Breathe Girl, Breathe
They want to see you fall
Nobody cares for you at all
They'll tear you down with their lies
You can see the hate in their eyes..
You gotta keep moving on
This pain will make you strong
I know you feel decieved
But still you gotta breathe
If you want to be fully alive
You need to reach out and strive
Not run and hide
You're face is battered and bruised
But If you give up you'll lose..
So you gotta keep moving on
This pain will make you strong
I know you feel decieved
But still you gotta breathe
Don't give into your fears
Wipe away those tears
I know you want to die
You can't let them see you cry
It hurts but...
You gotta keep moving on
This pain will make you strong
I know you feel decieved
But still you gotta breathe
Breathe girl, breathe
:iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 2 2
Mr. Bugg by x-desertrose-x Mr. Bugg :iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 0 0
For Fizzzy
I feel you slipping away and it hurts
All the way down to my fingertips
I try to forget you, but i keep remembering your sweet lips
And the way you said goodbye after our last kiss
The other girls dont have cuts and scars
I think you wish i was them.. not me
I try so hard to be what you want me to be
But all my efforts you don't seem to see
I wish you'd be the one
To stop these wrists from bleeding
I'm standing here, arms out... pleading
But still you doubt my feelings
I want you to want me the way
That I want you
I need you to hold me, and know my words are true
I'm falling for you, and all the things you do
I wish that i
Could be perfect in your eyes
And i could erase all my scars and selfish lies
I want you to see past this beautiful disguise
I'm so sorry that I decieved you
I know to you i'm a disgrace
And that everytime you see my face
You wish you could be in some other place
But please don't leave
I can prove I've changed, around you i smile
Even if it's only for a little while
:iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 1 3
The Nightmare's Inside
I silently slip into solitude
As the demons of my mind
Begin to intrude
Into my concious, and as
Darkness slowly creeps
It casts its shadows across
My lonely heart as i sleep
I feel afraid as
Sweat drips from my skin
Revealing the tension within
I toss and turn
As everything I
Reached for and yearn
Slips away....
I open my eyes
And pray that this is
Not part of my demise
But it doesnt go away
I can't escape it
There's nowhere to hide
My nightmare is inside
:iconx-desertrose-x:x-desertrose-x 1 2

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Jamila Rose
Artist | Photography

deviantWEAR sizing preference: Medium
Favourite genre of music: Reggae
Favourite photographer: My Dad
Favourite style of art: Macro
Favourite cartoon character: Mr. Whiskers
Personal Quote: "I'm not a poet or an artist... I'm just misunderstood"


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Add a Comment:
Introspectreum Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2010
Hey, I just created a new gallery ! You were watching my other count (Devocion on dA), so I just let you know .


See ya =)
Mgsblade Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2009   Photographer
:iconmgsblade: :iconfaveplz:
tasharose Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2009  Student Photographer
thank you very much for the fav :blowkiss:
i really do appreciate it!
UNiQSOLE Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2009  Student
thanks for the :+fav:
only-edna Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2009   Writer
thanks for the fav on 'And I Will Call It Art' :)
WickedxlilxPupp3t Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2009   General Artist
heyy...sorry i haven't been on here for a while... so just saw your comment... i miss you too... how is everything with you? did u have a good birthday?...
RaphaelTM Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2009  Professional General Artist
Thank you for the fav! :)
godsuckscocks Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2009   Photographer
thank you
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